How easy would it be to just carry this stuff away?  She could hand it to Coil for some brownie points, and he could decide what to distribute.  It would be out of her mother’s hands, and money would become a limiter on her mother’s habit.

That would probably be a decent idea, except Coil distributing it would just put it in the hands of other people and fuel similar problems in other families. But as far as saving Celia, it’s not bad.

If the drugs weren’t around, maybe Sam would leave.

Maybe, if Aisha got rid of the drugs, her mom would have an excuse to get things back on track, somehow.

Maybe. Still feels a bit too hopeful for the setting, though.

The city was paying people who joined the clean-up crews.  Three square meals, simple and bland but they gave the essential nutrients, and they gave you twenty dollars for nine hours of work.  Fuck around or slack off, and they just kicked you off the crew for the day, no pay.

I suppose that’s not too bad.

Idle hopes.  Aisha had spent long years wishing her mom could pull it together, dating back to just after the divorce, when a bad day was still better than most good days were now.  Or maybe that was nostalgia and a child’s eye view.

Who knows. Either way this is something I really can’t blame Aisha for entertaining.

No.  If she got rid of the drugs, it was more likely that someone would erupt in anger.  Sam or her mom, getting violent, verbally or otherwise.  It would do more harm than good.

Yikes. Yeah, I suppose if neither of them noticed the thief, they’d each assume it was the other, or Jennifer.

The metaphor applied in another way, too.  Her power operated on its own, doing its thing, and if she very casually noted what it was doing, without pushing it forward or holding it back, she could feel it doing something else.

Hmm.

As if it was ready to push away memories that didn’t relate to her, exactly.  It never did.

Maybe we should keep Imp away from Miss Militia. 

Any time it built up enough that it came close to doing anything, she noticed, and it retreated like a turtle pulling its head into its shell.

I suppose it’s possible that if it got the chance to do it – such as at a moment where Imp was thoroughly distracted – it might not specifically wipe out memories of the Dandelions (like I suspect it might be wanting to because of its apparent origins), but rather wipe out all memories, inflicting total retrograde amnesia on anyone it could hit. That would be nasty.

Frustrating.  Her power didn’t do anything because she wanted it to.  It worked only if she surrendered to it, let it act on its own.  Pushing it to work harder had the opposite effect.

This is a very interesting power.

Much moreso than any other power we’ve seen, this one seems to have a sort of mind of its own. A stubborn, rebellious one.

Heh, I suppose that too kind of reflects Aisha.

Not that it was invisibility, really.  It was memories.  People forgot her as soon as they saw her, to the point that they didn’t register her presence.

There goes the “out of sight, out of mind” hypothesis for her more thorough memory wipes (is there even a difference?). Before I came up with that, this was my assumption about how the unnoticeability worked, though.

She could feel it, her power rolling over her skin, jabbing outward, invisible to sight, touch and anything else, making contact with the people around her and pushing those memories away.

Hmm. Is there a maximum range, and will people remember her longer if they’re further away within range? Can it be blocked by a wall?

And like her metaphor comparing her memories to a broken arm, her power seemed to respond to the attention of her subjects; the harder they tried to remember and focus on her, the faster she slipped through their minds.

Man, I already thought this was very similar to the effects of the post-Dandelion haze, but it really does seem like they work almost exactly the same way.

Maybe if we find out what would protect someone from Imp’s power, it would let us remember stuff about the Dandelions too. But as it stands, Miss Militia is the only character we know would have reason to try to figure out something like that. Maybe also Tattletale or Bonesaw, but it seemed like the forgetting caught up with Tattletale eventually.

“Come on, Jennifer,” Celia urged her friend.  She took a long draw from the spliff she held in her fingers. “Oh fuck!  Sam, you jackass!  This isn’t just weed, is it?”

Not cool, dude.

“Thought it was.”

“There’s a kick to it.  Amp or something.”  Celia took another puff.  “Amp.  Hey, Jen, join in. Have some of what Sam’s having.”

Ah, I guess he didn’t know. I mean, if he’s telling the truth, but I believe him.

And they continue to press Jennifer. I’m still not sure Jennifer doesn’t have some secrets in store for us – she seems quite out of place in this group, so it’s thus far unclear why she’s in this chapter. Maybe Wildbow just needed a third party to prompt something down the line, though.

“But H is fucking scary,” Jen protested.

“So you hear.  But why is it scary?”

Because it’s a strong drug that fucks up lives. That’s enough for me.

“It’s addictive.”

Yes, thank you.

Seriously, that part’s scary enough on its own.

Aisha tuned out the sound of her mother and Sam cajoling the woman and walked over to the table.  Her mom didn’t notice her.  Nobody ever noticed her, and they noticed even less ever since she’d gotten her power.  It was like a dark joke, a grim comedy.  Just when she’d started to figure things out, grow up and catch people’s eye, the world went to hell and she got her powers.

Yeeah. Usually the powers seem to help the recipient out in their trigger event, but Aisha’s power seems more like something that adjusted itself to her general problem and amplified it.

Although not being noticed and being able to make people forget her existence ought to make it easier to get away from this family.

Now she became invisible if she lost her concentration.

Interesting. Her power works backwards – it’s passive and she has to actively keep it turned off if she wants to, not actively use it.

Of course, there was no way to avoid the countless reminders in everyday life that would remind her of Guy, or Bridge, or Darren, or Lonnie.

Guy is such a weird name.

Yes, weirder than “Bridge”.

I wonder if one of these men was the guy Brian fought when he triggered.

Thinking about a broken arm was one such reminder.

…right.

Not thinking about things is difficult.

Being ignored by her teammates and told to go to her room and play along for everyone else’s sake was another.

Ah, yeah, that makes sense. No wonder it ticks her off.

Although to be fair, being ignored is kind of her specialty.

How many afternoons had she come home from school, only for her mom or one of her mom’s boyfriends to shoo her off or bribe her to leave the apartment for a bit?

Eesh.

Pissed her off.  She didn’t need that from her brother, too.

The one good family member she has.

How much of Aisha’s problems were because of her mom’s lack of self-control and how many others were because of this environment?  She’d grown up with a mom who’d never mentally or emotionally aged past fourteen or fifteen.

I think the intense childishness we saw in Celia at the beginning of the chapter was quite intentional.

Though I was thinking closer to ten.

A new man in the house every week or two, with his own idea of how things should work, Celia generally content to let him run things however he wanted.

Well… at least it makes for some variation?

Aisha tried not to think about the men.  It was like having a broken arm; so long as she didn’t move it, so long as she didn’t think about it, it was okay, a dull throb in the back of her mind.

I can’t imagine all the men would be okay with that approach, though, when Aisha was living here.

Something she could ignore.  But even a stray thought could remind her that the arm was broken, and then it sometimes took days before she could get out of that head space.

Ouch, yeah. This is a pretty decent analogy.

There was no distraction that worked, because the fact that she was consciously looking for a distraction only reminded her of what she was trying to distract herself from.

Don’t think about broken arms, blue elephants, or this one Game I just lost!

I think the most fucked up direction this could go would be Aisha using her power to walk in front of her mother and attack her in the hopes of forcing a miscarriage.

Abortion as a choice by the mother is okay in my book, but that most certainly wouldn’t be.

“Isn’t that bad for the kid-in-progress?”

“It’s weed, dumbass.  Nothing they tell you about it is true.  Kid isn’t going to wind up addicted from birth or anything, ’cause it’s not addictive.  Right?”

Riiight. Of course the thing you’re taking specifically because you’re addicted and “need to have something” isn’t addictive. Sure.

“Sure,” he reached into his back pocket and slipped a packet to her, along with a dime bag.

Aisha bit her lip.  Maybe hope was the wrong word, because she didn’t really feel anything on the subject.

Aisha is repeatedly claiming not to feel things… and then talking about what she feels?

But she knew it would probably be better if her mom miscarried and the kid was spared this shit.

Hoo boy, this must’ve stirred up some abortion debates when it was posted.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with abortion (a stance I do not feel like debating with askers on this blog), but that’s not really the question here, despite what I just said. It’s whether it would be better not to live in the first place than to be born into a bad home.

Honestly? I’m not sure Aisha’s wrong here, though it feels weird to suggest that not living in the first place is better than having a life that starts out bad and can get better… no, actually, by writing that sentence I ended up talking myself out of it.

I don’t agree with Aisha, not entirely. Yes, the child would have a bad childhood, but they could get out of it and create a wonderful life for themself afterwards. There is a large potential for it to be worth it to be born in spite of these circumstances.

No, it was less this scene and more the discovery that her mother was pregnant that nailed her in the gut with a profound kind of sadness.

Oh shit, that’s right. The child would be a half-sibling of Aisha and Brian, and it seems like neither of them knew about it.

I wonder what kind of power the child might end up with if they survive the apocalypse. Probably something to do with hiding. Maybe shrinking to a size that gets into small hiding places easily?

The first place her mind went, before joy at the idea of having a brother or sister, before anger at her mom for letting it happen and not using protection, was hope.

Hope was really not where I thought that sentence was going.

What kind of hope are we talking here? Hope that it might help Celia shape up her life? Hope that the child doesn’t have to grow up with their biological parents? Hope that the child can replace Aisha herself?

“Sam, do you have any papers?”

“Rolling papers?  I thought you were going clean.”

Come on, Celia, don’t tell me you’re going back on the one redeeming feature you’ve established.

Tell me you’re talking about some other sort of papers.

“It’s just weed.  I need to have something.”

Ugh… fair enough, though. Addiction is hard to just turn off at will. That’s kind of the main problem with it.

At the very least she’s stepping it down, in the best case scenario helping her gradually go completely clean.

“No way,” Jennifer said.  She dropped into one of the felt-covered chairs at the far end of the room.

See, I know what “felt-covered” means, but part of my brain can only imagine a pile of plain wooden chairs covered in fifteen green men in colorful hats.

image

Homestuck, man. Once you’re infected you can’t escape it.

Aisha had to hop out of the way so she didn’t get sat on.

!!!

YES

Now this is someone I’d much rather read an Interlude about!

She watched the dialogue between her mother, her mother’s boyfriend of the week and her mother’s new friend with a dispassionate expression.

Oh, huh. So we did kind of know Celia already, and a part of the Laborn family had ties to the Merchants.

This is… less surprising than it probably should be.

Seeing this scene, she didn’t really feel much.  A little disappointment.

I guess she’s kind of used to it.

Embarrassment.  Disgust.

Now this I can absolutely understand.