Pinkie placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last
one for bit longer. “Ooo, bagpipes.” she said, placing the end of Dash’s
esophagus in her mouth and the stomach in her armpit. She squeezed, and a spurt
of acid hit her tongue. “Eww! Oh hey look, there’s your cupcake, Dash!”

Pfft.

Sure would’ve been convenient if Pinkie had accidentally swallowed the rest of the cupcake and there’d been enough drugs left in it to knock her out.

Then again, that probaby wouldn’t have helped Rainbow Dash any real amount, but at least she wouldn’t have to watch Pinkie pretend her entrails were musical instruments for the last moments of her life.

Dash didn’t hear her tormentor. She had slipped from conciseness minutes
ago.

Oh.

Also I assume Wildbow meant consciousness, though Dash slipping from conciseness sounds like a fun time. She’s on the brink of death and all of a sudden she’s making these really long and convoluted statements…

Pinkie, not yet satisfied, hit Dash with another adrenaline shot. Dash
woke up for the last time, her heart pounding. Warm blood flowed out from the
wound in her chest in great spurts. It wouldn’t be long now.

Oh jeez, she’s really determined to have Dash’s attention till the end.

“Look at me, I’m Rarity!” Pinkie laughed, slinging the intestinal tube
around her neck and spraying blood in all directions. “Isn’t my new scarf soooo
pretty?”

Heh.

I don’t know who Rarity is but I can appreciate a good intestine-scarf.

Reaching back inside, she sliced the smaller intestine off from the
bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement, Pinkie filed the slimy organ through
her teeth and dragged it back and forth. “Dentists say you gotta floss every
day, Dash.”

Oh my cod.

Dash was barely aware of what was going on
anymore. The shock was causing her to fade. Disappointed, Pinkie dived back
into the blue pony’s guts, ramping up her routine.

“Aw, don’t go yet Dash.” Pinkie started pulling
out the rest of Dash’s organs, pausing with each removal. “I know I can be a
real pancreas, but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn
to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a
stomach for them.”

I like puns, but yeah, these aren’t that great 😛

“getting bladder” is kind of creative, at least.

Also, it’s seriously a wonder Dash is still alive. I guess maybe ponies are tougher than humans.

“Looks like I got my ‘I’ on you, Dash,” Pinkie giggled.

Pfft.

If you’re gonna make a joke like this, Wildbow, at least make it fit the font it’s gonna be printed in on the site. 😛

With a moist, gooey sound, the flaps of skin opened.

See this?

This is how you use the word “moist”. It fits right in here.

The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s
breathing to intensify. Pinkie carefully sliced open Dash’s abdominal sac and
grabbed her large intestines. As she separated the organ from the rest of the
digestive tract and pulled it out of the new cavity, Pinkie grew jovial.

Oh jeez, she wasn’t already jovial?

Laughing as she gutted her friend, Pinkie began to
make jokes. Dash, growing weaker from this new source of blood loss, tried
desperately to shut out the macabre comedy act.

I guess they’re not much better than the ‘I’ one?

Not sure if the jokes being bad would be a good or bad thing here.

Minutes passed as the drug took effect.
Eventually, Dash was completely numb from her chest to her flanks. At this
point, Pinkie approached with a scalpel. Glancing at Dash and smiling, Pinkie
made a long horizontal cut across the pegasus pony’s pelvis, just above her
crotch. Moving up Dash’s body, Pinkie made a similar incision under her ribs.
Finally, Pinkie made a long vertical cut down Dash’s stomach, connecting the
first two.

Ah, yes, what good friends, those ponies Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Look at them, opening up to each other, like friends do. Pinkie Pie about her secret cupcake recipes, and Rainbow Dash about her entrails… isn’t their friendship just marvelous?

“Hey Dash,” Pinkie piped up. “Think fast!”

Suddenly, Pinkie yanked
the wing as hard as she could. The bone snapped but the blue pony’s skin held,
then tore away. The pull ripped away a long strip of flesh all the way down
Dash’s back to her rump.

Oww!

Her body seized at the unexpected trauma. As her pelvis tensed up, Dash
felt a warm release between her legs, and her loud, unending melody of pain
filled the room. Unable to catch her breath, she blacked out.

I really can’t blame Dash’s brain for going “no, let’s not deal with this shit anymore”.

Pinkie placed the tool over the mangled flesh of the last attempt.
Standing on her hind legs, she worked the saw back and forth with her front
hooves.

I’m not sure how, but it didn’t occur to me that these horses would have hooves.

And now that I think about it, the alternative is way more disturbing.

Wait, how exactly is she holding these tools?

It sliced effortlessly through the bone and skin. The feeling of the
jagged teeth grinding into her made Dash want to vomit. She watched numbly as
her wing flew over her head and landed with a fluff on the table.

Dash seems to have stopped complaining at this point. Maybe it’s just that the pain makes it impossible, but maybe she’s getting, I dunno, resigned to her fate.

Pinkie moved to the next wing and started sawing. Dash didn’t struggle
this time; she’d given up trying to fight and focused on choking back screams
of agony.

Oh, okay, that confirms it.

Abruptly, the sawing paused. Pinkie was only half way done, the wing
hanging off by a sliver.

Hm?

“Dash, you gotta stay still or I’ll keep missing,”
scolded Pinkie as her friend howled.

Fair… wait.

Pinkie took another whack and hit her target. She swung again and again.
Blood sprayed into the air, but Pinkie realized she wasn’t getting anywhere.
The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.

Huh. Guess you’re gonna need a better tool for the job. Like a Bonesaw, perhaps?

“Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I’ll try something else,” stated
Pinkie matter-of-factly as she tossed the knife over her shoulder, embedding
the blade in the table.

Oh, the table made of bones, it has no problem cutting through enough to get stuck in.

Or is it stuck in the flesh? Wildbow didn’t really specify how the flesh was used in the tables.

Through the haze of pain and tears, Dash heard the
sound of a metal box opening and closing.

“Got it! Say Dash, why do
they call it a hack saw? It doesn’t hack; hacking is what I was doing with the
knife. This is a saw. I don’t get it.”

That… is actually a good question.

Maybe you use it to cut through online security systems?

*hack saw voice* “I’m in.”

Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched her flesh peel off.
Pinkie then moved to the other side and repeated the process on Dash’s left
flank. Once she had finished, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her
friend and started waving them like pompoms. Dash just whimpered. Her thighs
burned like nothing she had felt before.

Yeeah, I should hope you’ve never felt this before.

Placing the ragged patches of skin down, Pinkie selected a large butcher
knife and walked behind the blue pegasus. “Hope you don’t mind, I think I’m
gonna wing it now,” Pinkie laughed.

Pffft.

She grabbed Dash’s left wing in her mouth and played with it for a few
seconds, yanking it back so the sharp pain reignited the fire in Dash’s flanks.
Then, stretching the wing out, Pinkie brought the blade down hard at the base.

And there it goes. No more flying for Dash, I guess. Unless the wings were entirely cosmetic and pegasi can fly by way of magic like most fliers in Worm.

Then again, unless Dash gets out of these restraints soon, she won’t be moving much at all.

Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw
off Pinkie’s aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed, and carved a huge
slice into Dash’s back.

Oww.

(WARNING: The rest of this April Fools’ chapter is incredibly gory and violent, even by Worm standards. Read at own risk.)

Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed in her tight bonds.

“Well” said Pinkie with an air of finality, “that’s enough reminiscing. It’s time to begin.”

Welp.

Here we go.

Putting down Gilda’s skull, the pink pony gripped a scalpel in the cleft
of her hoof and walked over to Dash’s right flank. Without any flair, Pinkie
placed the blade an inch above Dash’s cutie mark and began a circular cut
around it.

Ow.

So a “cutie mark” is something they have on their flanks… there’s something vaguely familiar about the idea of horses with marks on their flanks, but it’s sitting far back. Some sort of 80′s cartoon I never watched? Maybe Wildbow got some inspiration from that.

Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away, but the braces
held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed a curved skinning knife
from the tray. Screwing up her face in concentration, she worked it under
Dash’s skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle.

…so.

How’s the weather?