Dash’s attention was brought back by a party horn unfurling and tickling
her nose. She gaped at Pinkie Pie, who was standing right in front of her. The
party pony was wearing a dress quilted from dried skin, emblazoned with cutie
marks.

Emblazoned with what now?

On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all of different colors. As the
earth pony skipped in excitement, her necklace of severed unicorn horns clacked
together loudly.

Okay yeah, alright, fine, they’re actually ponies. Apparently Pinkie is an “earth pony”, whatever that means… and unicorns are a thing.

Not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting this stuff from Wildbow.

If these characters are actually talking ponies, what the hell are they doing in this setting? Are they living in a whole town full of ponified case-53s? Or maybe this is an alternate reality, or immigrants from one?

Maybe Ponyville is an alternate reality Brockton Bay, and we’re getting to know today’s Slaughterhouse member by proxy through her pony counterpart? But why?

I think I’m gonna need some more evidence before I come to any conclusions here.

“Oh no.” Dash reeled in horror at the image presented to her. The room
was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers
of dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of
all sizes were attached to the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with
helium were tied to the backs of chairs.

Wow.

Uh, like what you’ve done with the place?

The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past
ponies. Dash cringed upon seeing the center piece of the table nearest to her.
The heads of four foals, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were
wearing party hats made from their own skin. With a thrill of terror, Dash
recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate Twist.

At least this all happened after Dash got past the denial stage.

Also, is she seriously still doing the “pony” thing under these circumstances? Even extending it to “foals” for the weirdly named kids (the names sound like cape names but she’s treating them like they’re not capes)?

At this point it feels like they might actually literally be talking ponies, which is ridiculous.

Dash’s eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner
hanging from the rafters.  Made from several tanned pony hides, the words
“Life is a party” were scrawled on it in blood red.

Fetching.

…pony hides. Are they ponies??

Dash was now in full panic mode. She was starting
to hyperventilate. Her mind raced as she tried to reason with the pink pony.
“You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”’

Onward to bargaining!

“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy that I’ve got you here. We
get to share your last moments together, just you and me.” Pinkie was skipping
again.

That’s… sweet?

“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am.
When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found
out,” Dash cried in desperation.

Clouds?

I guess maybe Dash’s power allows her to manipulate the weather, and she uses it to keep the skies clear for Ponyville.

“Oh, Dash,” said Pinkie. “Don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus ponies to take care of a few clouds. And besides, no one will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?” And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.

Plenty of… well then. I guess this town’s capes are particularly flighty? And apparently anyone who flies can take care of the clouds. That’s weird, but alright.

Anyway, let’s see what the rest of this place is like.

“Special ingredient?” Dash was now breathing
heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient?”

Pinkie giggled and
responded “You, silly!”

I may have been mistaken about this not having to do with the Slaughterhouse Nine.

Dash’s eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear. Then she started to
laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria, “Woo, you really got me
there, Pinkie Pie. I mean, tricking me into thinking I’m gonna get made into a
cupcake? I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you’re the best.”

Oh yeah, the pranking!

…that’s not what’s going on here, though, is it.

Pinkie only giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash.
But I haven’t done any pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise.”

Dash was struggling again.
“Pinkie, come on, this isn’t funny.”

Yeeeah, Dash, might be time to drop the denial and officially freak out. Your friend appears to be the newest Slaughterhouse Nine member (apparently not all of them are in Brockton Bay at the moment), or at least a psycho of some other variety.

“Then why were you laughing?” Before Dash could answer, Pinkie grabbed
the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing
various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp,
as well as a large medical bag.

Those looks suitably deadly.

Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.

Nom.

“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.

“Now,” Pinkie informed
her, “You take a nap.”

Wait, WHAT?

Did she spike the cupcake??

Puzzled, Dash opened her mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of
dizziness washed over her, the world spun, and seconds later she collapsed to
the floor.

…apparently she did. Why?? What’s going on here?

Looks like there’s more plot to this than I thought.

“Baking?” Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know
I’m not good at baking. Remember last time?”

What happened last time? I hope it was a mishap involving powers.

“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your
help making them. I’ll be doing most of the work,” Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it
for a second. “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do you need me to
do?”

Kitchen assistant Rainbow Dash?

“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed
Dash a cupcake.

Wait, what? Aren’t we here to make those?

Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”

Dash shares my confusion.

“You will be. I made this one just for you before
you got here.

“So, is this like taste testing or something?”

“Sorta,” Pinkie said.

Did she just make the one cupcake? I’m no expert on cupcakes, but I thought you kinda had to make them in batches.

Actually, maybe Dash’s blueness could also be in terms of her outfit rather than her skin. I don’t know.