Interlude 11d: Baking

Source material: Worm, Interlude 11d

Originally blogged: April 1, 2018


Interlude 11d (Anniversary Bonus)

It’s that time again! Let’s meet our fourth Slaughterhouse member.

So, who do we have left…

  • Bonesaw
  • Mannequin
  • Shatterbird
  • Crawler
  • Hatchet Face
  • a thus far unnamed female newbie

I feel like going with the newbie this time would be a good way to create some continuity between this and the last chapter, similar to Siberian being brought up by Burnscar and possibly Jack (though now that I remember the existence of Crawler, chances are they’re the implied human-eater). That said, it also feels a little early?

Besides, it’s entirely possible we won’t get a chapter about the newbie at all (and Hatchet Face takes that spotlight slot), and we’ll have to learn about her through the Undersiders when they’re surprised by her existence on the enemy team.

If we’re not meeting the newbie or Hatchet Face this time, maybe… Shatterbird? Just a random guess, really.

Whomever we’re meeting today, though, I’m sure it’ll be good. Let’s just jump right into it!


The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony in Ponyville was having a glorious day.

Huh? Looks like we’ve got a new location. Is this a real place? “Ponyville” doesn’t seem like a name Wildbow would come up with.

The town square was bustling and crowded and busy ponies filled the streets.

Ponies?

What?

Is that like a nickname for the citizens of this town?

All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere specific to be. All except Rainbow Dash; her place was in the sky.

Looks like we’ve got our POV character – apparently a cape with the power of flight. What else does she have, I wonder? I think we all know characters in Worm don’t generally have just flying on its own.

The name sounds vaguely familiar, but I can’t for the life of me remember why.

She tore freely through the air, speeding one way and the next, buzzing the tree tops and racing the wind. The blue pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children, then climbed several hundred feet and dove, streaking downward as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she pulled up back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive.

Good to hear she’s having fun!

But, uh. Blue pegasus?

I guess if she have the power of flight in a town where the citizens are nicknamed ponies, that would make her a flying pony, or pegasus. I wonder if her power actually gives her wings, though. That’s something we don’t see a lot with the flying capes in this story. The closest I can think of was Iron Falcon, and I don’t recall if those wings were real or just a costume choice.

As for blue, I suppose blue skin isn’t too out there.


Suddenly, Dash remembered that she had somewhere to be; she was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes.

Oh, hey, plot. And another new character… Pinkie Pie? Certainly an unusual name. I mean, Rainbow Dash isn’t super typical for Worm either, but at least that sounds like a cape name.

Dash had gotten so caught up in her exercises that she’d nearly forgotten that Pinkie had asked to meet her at Sugarcube Corner at three. Pinkie hadn’t said why or what they’d be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything.

Hm, sounds like Pinkie is an unpredictable one.

So does this Interlude just… not have anything to do with the Slaughterhouse Nine after all? I mean, we’re following these new characters in a town we’ve never heard of as they do something at a place called “Sugarcube Corner” (a bakery, maybe?), and the Slaughterhouse Nine are supposed to be in Brockton Bay?

Dash wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying.

Rude.

But, Dash’s conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie’s feelings; after all, Pinkie had said it was going to be something special just for the two of them. Dash considered it and thought “why not?” What did she have to lose?

That’s the spirit.

Heck, it might be more pranking. Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull on folks, and they’d had so much fun the last time. Dash kicked into overdrive to make up for lost time, and sped to her appointment.

Ooh, mischievous couple girls, huh?


When Dash walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by her host, who was bouncing in excitement. “Yay, you’re here! I’ve been waiting aaall day,” said the jumping pony.

Wow, cheerful one, are you? Nice.

Also, the use of “pony” here is a little weird. If it’s just a nickname for citizens, you should be able to replace it with “Ponyville citizen”, but “said the jumping Ponyville citizen” sounds very out of place given Dash’s and Pinkie’s friendly relationship.

“Sorry if I’m a little late, Pinkie. I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of time,” Dash apologized.

Yeah, sure, you totally weren’t considering blowing her off, no sirree.

Pinkie giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, “Oh that’s ok, you’re here now. What‘s a few more minutes? I’ve been sooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we’re gonna do, I haven’t stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I’ve been so happy.”

Really cheerful.

It’s… kind of contagious, actually. I don’t even know what they’re doing yet and I’m already a little excited.

Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. She had always appreciated Pinkie Pie’s friendly, outgoing way of life, but Pinkie’s overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped her out. Dash maintained a polite expression, however. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.

Dash isn’t quite as sold on it, but at least she recognizes it’s a good sign.


“So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I’ve got everything all ready,” the pink pony said.

Dash psyched herself up. “You betcha, Pinkie. So what do ya got planned? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you’ve got some stunts you think I should try? Or perhaps…”

“MAKING CUPCAKES!” Pinkie happily announced.

Hm. Alright, I’m down. Not really seeing what this has to do with anything, but it sounds like a good time.

Maybe this Interlude is just a lighthearted pause from the dramatic Slaughterhouse action, at the cost of one Slaughterhouse member not getting an Interlude, or two of them having to share.

…also apparently Pinkie Pie is actually pink? Like, in clothing, or is she a cape with an abnormal skin color like Dash? Maybe Pinkie Pie is a cape name after all?


Actually, maybe Dash’s blueness could also be in terms of her outfit rather than her skin. I don’t know.


“Baking?” Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know I’m not good at baking. Remember last time?”

What happened last time? I hope it was a mishap involving powers.

“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I’ll be doing most of the work,” Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it for a second. “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do you need me to do?”

Kitchen assistant Rainbow Dash?

“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.

Wait, what? Aren’t we here to make those?

Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”

Dash shares my confusion.

“You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

“So, is this like taste testing or something?”

“Sorta,” Pinkie said.

Did she just make the one cupcake? I’m no expert on cupcakes, but I thought you kinda had to make them in batches.


Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.

Nom.

“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.

“Now,” Pinkie informed her, “You take a nap.”

Wait, WHAT?

Did she spike the cupcake??

Puzzled, Dash opened her mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over her, the world spun, and seconds later she collapsed to the floor.

…apparently she did. Why?? What’s going on here?

Looks like there’s more plot to this than I thought.


When Dash regained consciousness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart.

Well.

This took a turn.

Dash’s wings were the only part of her not tied down, and they fluttered frantically while she struggled to escape. As she writhed, Pinkie jumped suddenly into her line of sight.

Oh, cool, she does have wings!

Hi, Pinkie, what’s up?

“Goodie, you’re awake. Now we can get started,” Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

“Pinkie, what’s going on? I can’t move!” Dash said urgently.

That is a very good question. This doesn’t look like a setup to make cupcakes to me.

“Well duh, that’s because you’re tied down,” chided Pinkie. “That’s why you can’t move. I didn’t think you’d need to be told that.”

“But why? What’s happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes.”

Dash is on a roll with her questions.

“You are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more.”


“Special ingredient?” Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient?”

Pinkie giggled and responded “You, silly!”

I may have been mistaken about this not having to do with the Slaughterhouse Nine.

Dash’s eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria, “Woo, you really got me there, Pinkie Pie. I mean, tricking me into thinking I’m gonna get made into a cupcake? I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you’re the best.”

Oh yeah, the pranking!

…that’s not what’s going on here, though, is it.

Pinkie only giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven’t done any pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise.”

Dash was struggling again. “Pinkie, come on, this isn’t funny.”

Yeeeah, Dash, might be time to drop the denial and officially freak out. Your friend appears to be the newest Slaughterhouse Nine member (apparently not all of them are in Brockton Bay at the moment), or at least a psycho of some other variety.

“Then why were you laughing?” Before Dash could answer, Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.

Those looks suitably deadly.


Dash was now in full panic mode. She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind raced as she tried to reason with the pink pony. “You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”’

Onward to bargaining!

“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy that I’ve got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me.” Pinkie was skipping again.

That’s… sweet?

“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found out,” Dash cried in desperation.

Clouds?

I guess maybe Dash’s power allows her to manipulate the weather, and she uses it to keep the skies clear for Ponyville.

“Oh, Dash,” said Pinkie. “Don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus ponies to take care of a few clouds. And besides, no one will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?” And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.

Plenty of… well then. I guess this town’s capes are particularly flighty? And apparently anyone who flies can take care of the clouds. That’s weird, but alright.

Anyway, let’s see what the rest of this place is like.


“Oh no.” Dash reeled in horror at the image presented to her. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were attached to the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium were tied to the backs of chairs.

Wow.

Uh, like what you’ve done with the place?

The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed upon seeing the center piece of the table nearest to her. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were wearing party hats made from their own skin. With a thrill of terror, Dash recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate Twist.

At least this all happened after Dash got past the denial stage.

Also, is she seriously still doing the “pony” thing under these circumstances? Even extending it to “foals” for the weirdly named kids (the names sound like cape names but she’s treating them like they’re not capes)?

At this point it feels like they might actually literally be talking ponies, which is ridiculous.

Dash’s eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several tanned pony hides, the words “Life is a party” were scrawled on it in blood red.

Fetching.

…pony hides. Are they ponies??


If these characters are actually talking ponies, what the hell are they doing in this setting? Are they living in a whole town full of ponified case-53s? Or maybe this is an alternate reality, or immigrants from one?

Maybe Ponyville is an alternate reality Brockton Bay, and we’re getting to know today’s Slaughterhouse member by proxy through her pony counterpart? But why?

I think I’m gonna need some more evidence before I come to any conclusions here.


Dash’s attention was brought back by a party horn unfurling and tickling her nose. She gaped at Pinkie Pie, who was standing right in front of her. The party pony was wearing a dress quilted from dried skin, emblazoned with cutie marks.

Emblazoned with what now?

On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all of different colors. As the earth pony skipped in excitement, her necklace of severed unicorn horns clacked together loudly.

Okay yeah, alright, fine, they’re actually ponies. Apparently Pinkie is an “earth pony”, whatever that means… and unicorns are a thing.

Not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting this stuff from Wildbow.


“Like it?” Pinkie asked. “I made it myself.”

Oh, I thought you bought it at the mall.

…huh. If Ponyville is alternate Brockton Bay, I wonder if it has a counterpart Weymouth Shopping Mall.

But I guess you shouldn’t look a gift pony in the Weymouth.

Desperately, Dash pleaded with the smiling pony before her. “Pinkie please, I’m sorry if I did anything to you. I didn’t mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anybody.”

“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules. We can’t turn back now.”

So she does this entirely at random? I guess that’s one way to pick victims.

Also if Pinkie doesn’t make rules for this, who does?


Dash was tearing up. How could this be happening?

“Aww, don’t be sad Dash,” said Pinkie. “Look, this’ll cheer you up. I brought you a friend.”

Seemingly out of nowhere, Pinkie produced a brightly painted blue and yellow skull. It was about pony sized, but it had a very defining feature: a beak.

What’s this, some kind of giant bird?

Dash gaped in shock. “Is…is that….is…that?”

“Hey, Dash lets hang together. These ponies are lame-os. Dweebs dweebs dweebs,” Pinkie mimicked.

Oh, huh, sounds like it was a friend of Dash’s.

“I caught her right before she left town. Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn’t enough time to play with her of course; I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth it for the flavor alone.

Jeez.

Griffons taste like two animals at once, it’s amazing.

Griffons… I guess if we already have talking ponies in three or more variants, griffons aren’t that much weirder.

Don’t griffons hate horses, mythologically speaking, though? I seem to recall that being the reason hippogriffs were a thing, as the personification of impossibility.

I know she didn’t have a number like everyone else in Ponyville, but when was I gonna get another chance to try griffon? I probably should have asked where she came from so I could have gotten more, but I forgot.

The griffons don’t know how lucky they are.

I’ll tell you what though, she was quite the fighter. She lasted a long time, which was a lot of fun for me. I got the chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things. It’s too bad she had such a meanie mouth. She said so much bad stuff I just had to take her tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, Rainbow Dash.”

Ouch.

I… suppose it does?


(WARNING: The rest of this April Fools’ chapter is incredibly gory and violent, even by Worm standards. Read at own risk.)

[This warning was added retroactively, and past me isn’t kidding. Almost every post from here to the end were tagged “#tw: gore”, and I stand by past me’s statement even after having spent three Arcs with Bonesaw.]

Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed in her tight bonds.

“Well” said Pinkie with an air of finality, “that’s enough reminiscing. It’s time to begin.”

Welp.

Here we go.

Putting down Gilda’s skull, the pink pony gripped a scalpel in the cleft of her hoof and walked over to Dash’s right flank. Without any flair, Pinkie placed the blade an inch above Dash’s cutie mark and began a circular cut around it.

Ow.

So a “cutie mark” is something they have on their flanks… there’s something vaguely familiar about the idea of horses with marks on their flanks, but it’s sitting far back. Some sort of 80′s cartoon I never watched? Maybe Wildbow got some inspiration from that.

Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away, but the braces held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed a curved skinning knife from the tray. Screwing up her face in concentration, she worked it under Dash’s skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle.

…so.

How’s the weather?


Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched her flesh peel off. Pinkie then moved to the other side and repeated the process on Dash’s left flank. Once she had finished, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms. Dash just whimpered. Her thighs burned like nothing she had felt before.

Yeeah, I should hope you’ve never felt this before.

Placing the ragged patches of skin down, Pinkie selected a large butcher knife and walked behind the blue pegasus. “Hope you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna wing it now,” Pinkie laughed.

Pffft.

She grabbed Dash’s left wing in her mouth and played with it for a few seconds, yanking it back so the sharp pain reignited the fire in Dash’s flanks. Then, stretching the wing out, Pinkie brought the blade down hard at the base.

And there it goes. No more flying for Dash, I guess. Unless the wings were entirely cosmetic and pegasi can fly by way of magic like most fliers in Worm.

Then again, unless Dash gets out of these restraints soon, she won’t be moving much at all.

Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw off Pinkie’s aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed, and carved a huge slice into Dash’s back.

Oww.


“Dash, you gotta stay still or I’ll keep missing,” scolded Pinkie as her friend howled.

Fair… wait.

Pinkie took another whack and hit her target. She swung again and again. Blood sprayed into the air, but Pinkie realized she wasn’t getting anywhere. The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.

Huh. Guess you’re gonna need a better tool for the job. Like a Bonesaw, perhaps?

[I made this joke without knowing how similar this version of Pinkie Pie and Bonesaw actually were.]

“Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I’ll try something else,” stated Pinkie matter-of-factly as she tossed the knife over her shoulder, embedding the blade in the table.

Oh, the table made of bones, it has no problem cutting through enough to get stuck in.

Or is it stuck in the flesh? Wildbow didn’t really specify how the flesh was used in the tables.

Through the haze of pain and tears, Dash heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.

“Got it! Say Dash, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn’t hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don’t get it.”

That… is actually a good question.

Maybe you use it to cut through online security systems?

*hack saw voice* “I’m in.”


Pinkie placed the tool over the mangled flesh of the last attempt. Standing on her hind legs, she worked the saw back and forth with her front hooves.

I’m not sure how, but it didn’t occur to me that these horses would have hooves.

And now that I think about it, the alternative is way more disturbing.

Wait, how exactly is she holding these tools?

It sliced effortlessly through the bone and skin. The feeling of the jagged teeth grinding into her made Dash want to vomit. She watched numbly as her wing flew over her head and landed with a fluff on the table.

Dash seems to have stopped complaining at this point. Maybe it’s just that the pain makes it impossible, but maybe she’s getting, I dunno, resigned to her fate.

Pinkie moved to the next wing and started sawing. Dash didn’t struggle this time; she’d given up trying to fight and focused on choking back screams of agony.

Oh, okay, that confirms it.

Abruptly, the sawing paused. Pinkie was only half way done, the wing hanging off by a sliver.

Hm?


“Hey Dash,” Pinkie piped up. “Think fast!”

Suddenly, Pinkie yanked the wing as hard as she could. The bone snapped but the blue pony’s skin held, then tore away. The pull ripped away a long strip of flesh all the way down Dash’s back to her rump.

Oww!

Her body seized at the unexpected trauma. As her pelvis tensed up, Dash felt a warm release between her legs, and her loud, unending melody of pain filled the room. Unable to catch her breath, she blacked out.

I really can’t blame Dash’s brain for going “no, let’s not deal with this shit anymore”.


Dash awoke with a gasp. The stench of her urine filled her mucus caked nostrils.

Yet it’s arguably not even the most unpleasant thing in this room right now.

As her vision swam into focus, she saw a very pouty Pinkie Pie removing a large adrenaline needle from her chest. Stomping her hooves, the frustrated Pinkie lashed out at her helpless victim.

You okay, Pinkie? This is the least cheerful we’ve seen from her so far… it’s kind of disturbing, really.

Maybe even more so than the gore.

“Didn’t anybody teach you any manners? It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would you like it if I came over to your house and went to sleep? ‘Oh I’m sorry Dash, you’re so boring I think I’ll take a nap.’

I suppose you have a point???

You think I like always doing this by myself? I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have a friend be here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You’ve got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough. I thought you could handle anything. I’ve had foals stand up better than you! Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?”

I somehow doubt the baby treatment is much better than the adult/teenager/whatever-Dash-is treatment.


Hm. What if all the “pony” stuff is in Dash’s head, and we are watching the main Wormverse’s Pinkie Pie (if that’s even her name – Rainbow Dash did bring up some non-cape kids and call them “Apple Bloom” and “Twist”, so the names might be under the same delusions)?

But then how do we explain Pinkie Pie talking about the deliciousness of griffon meat?


As Pinkie stopped to catch her breath, Dash blinked and sobbed softly. Her back was in agony, her sides were on fire, and there was an intense pain in one of her legs. As she blinked again, she saw Pinkie pop something red into her mouth and began to chew. Noticing Dash’s stare, Pinkie quickly gulped the morsel down.

“What?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, this?” She held up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself to a small sample. I got it from your leg; you’re not bad. Wanna try some?”

…on-”camera” cannibalism.

I suppose that’s not really any more fucked up than the rest of the premise for this chapter.

This is overall very gruesome (without Grue’s involvement, thankfully), even for Worm. And Wildbow decided to do this with talking horses?!

I suppose he was going for some sort of juxtaposition, but I have no idea what he’s trying to say with it.


Without waiting for a response, Pinkie shoved the strip of meat into the revolted pegasus pony’s mouth.

Is it still cannibalism if the thing you’re eating is from your own body? Is swallowing a thin bit of skin from your lips, or a tooth, or part of a nail, cannibalism?

Also I just realized that if all of Pinkie’s cupcakes are made with the special ingredient of pony meat, then Dash eating the drugged cupcake was also on-camera cannibalism… I wonder whose remains it was made from.

I’m guessing it wasn’t the griffon’s, at least. Pinkie talked about that like it was a delicacy, and it’d probably be a waste to use that for the drugging. Then again, Pinkie seems to genuinely consider Rainbow Dash a good friend throughout all of this, so maybe it was a good opportunity to go fancy with her drugging options?

Dash gagged, and immediately spit it out. Pinkie frowned, and picked up the chunk of flesh. “If you didn’t want it, you could have said no.”

I mean, you didn’t exactly give her time to.

She contemplated the discarded snotty morsel, then gulped it up. “It’s not like you haven’t had my cupcakes before.”

Yeah, I was about to say that, it really did seem like Dash was familiar with the cupcakes.

So how many ponies has Pinkie been feeding her wares?


I wonder if the rest of the Slaughterhouse Nine eat the cupcakes.


So wait.

Is the Siberian of this universe a zebra?


Swallowing, Pinkie turned her attention to a small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with red-hot coals. Lying on top of the coals were several large nails.

Oh, hello there.

As the adrenalin filled her veins, Dash began to panic again. Picking up the can, Pinkie walked over to Dash’s left. Holding some tongs with her mouth, Pinkie carefully picked up a nail and positioned it at the seam between her victim’s front left leg and hoof. She then grabbed a hammer and took careful aim.

“Just gotta check your reflexes!”

So is she about to take the hoof… right off?

“No Pinkie!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!”

The hammer came down and the nail punctured Dash’s skin. The white hot burning was too much. Dash screamed as she pulled and thrashed at the braces, causing her raw skin to rub and tear.

Seriously, what’s the point of this from Pinkie’s perspective?

Pinkie tried to line up another nail, but couldn’t find her aim, and let out a frustrated grunt. When Pinkie brought the hammer back to take a wild swing, Dash burst out crying and begging.

“PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!”

Sorry, pal, she ain’t gonna stop. And the only thing I can do is sit here and watch the words with morbid fascination.


Pinkie rolled her eyes. Putting down the hammer and tongs, she walked back in front of her friend and stared pensively at the broken pegasus. Gilda didn’t even cry this much when she had a live parasprite stuffed down her throat. Pinkie thought for a minute about what to do next, then had a sudden spark of inspiration.

Did we switch to Pinkie’s POV all of a sudden?

Who’s Gilda? What’s a parasprite?

Rotating a wheel on the rack, Pinkie laid Dash on her back, then moved to Dash’s hind legs, bringing the can with her. Picking up her tools, Pinkie drove a searing hot spike of metal directly into the bottom of Dash’s hoof. As Dash yelled in pain, Pinkie moved around and drove a second nail into the other hoof.

I thought at first that Pinkie was trying to remove the hooves, but now it seems she’s attaching them more than before.

Is this part just about inflicting pain? That doesn’t seem right with regards to how Pinkie seems to see Dash and this “job”. Up until this point, the pain of having body parts removed has seemed to be an unfortunate side effect to be mostly ignored to Pinkie, not a goal.

But then, why the parasprite comment? I’m not sure what a parasprite is, but that sounds like another thing you’d do specifically to inflict pain.

Is this just… Pinkie’s idea of “having fun” with someone?


Hm, or maybe the parasprite comment was from Dash’s perspective and referred to a separate event involving this “Gilda”.

Also, I wonder if Gilda might’ve been the griffon? The name doesn’t seem to match the style of the pony names we’ve seen.


Next, Pinkie went back to her cart and located an enormous battery and controller, which she dragged over to where she was working. She tied copper wires between the terminals and the nails driven into Dash’s hooves, then gave Dash a wink and flipped the switch.

Electricity rocketed through Dash’s body.

Okay yeah, I really don’t see any connection between this and the cupcake ingredients. At this point, Pinkie just seems to be messing around.

The blue pony reacted immediately; her body seized, and her muscles snapped taut. Dash’s hips thrust skyward, her eyes rolled back, and she let out a deep, throat shredding cry. Pinkie giggled and danced in place, then reached down and turned up the juice. Dash convulsed uncontrollably, and her bladder emptied once more.

She still had something left in there?

Also, I guess maybe this could be to prepare Dash’s muscles somehow?


After about five minutes, Pinkie shut off the power.

Five minutes? Jeez, that’s a long time to be electrocuted for and still be alive.

Assuming she is, anyway.

Wisps of steam rose from the singed fur around Dash’s hooves, and the area reeked of cooked flesh and burnt enamel. Pinkie rotated Dash upright again and tried snap the drooling, delirious pony back to attention.

Seems like it.

Cooked flesh… I guess that might’ve been the point of it.

“Dash? Dash! Rainbow Dash, wake up!” Dash moaned and managed to give a modicum of weak acknowledgment. Pinkie studied her handiwork, then reached into the medicine bag and produced a large syringe. “Alright, time for the last round.”

By now I would’ve thought some form of interruption would’ve happened if Dash was going to get out of this alive.

Either the big damn heroes are coming late to the party or this is gonna end in death.

Dash focused blearily on the needle, which Pinkie took as a question as to what it was.

“This is a little something to take the pain away,” Pinkie informed Dash as she walked around to her victim’s ruined back. Dash flinched as Pinkie jabbed the needle into the lower part of the blue pony’s spine. Moving in front of her friend again, Pinkie leaned down and elaborated.

Oh sure, now’s a great time to introduce the anaesthetic.

Unless that’s more like poison?


“In a few minutes, you won’t be able to feel anything below your ribcage. Then you’ll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest.”

Huh, I guess it is an anaesthetic.

The harvest sounds ominous. Time to dig in deep?

Dash started to cry again. “Pinkie?” she choked out.

“Yeah?”

“I want to go home,” Dash sobbed.

“Yeah, I can see wanting to do that,” replied the party pony.

Heh.

“Of course you do, silly! Now hold on while I remove your guts.”

“Sometimes, I just wanna give up, just say ‘I’m done with this mess’ and go to bed. But you know what? You can’t shrug off your responsibilities. You got to pull yourself up and meet the challenges head on. That’s the only way you’re gonna get ahead in life.”

Dash hung her head and cried.

So who gave you these responsibilities in the first place?

I’ve got ten bucks that say it was you.


Minutes passed as the drug took effect. Eventually, Dash was completely numb from her chest to her flanks. At this point, Pinkie approached with a scalpel. Glancing at Dash and smiling, Pinkie made a long horizontal cut across the pegasus pony’s pelvis, just above her crotch. Moving up Dash’s body, Pinkie made a similar incision under her ribs. Finally, Pinkie made a long vertical cut down Dash’s stomach, connecting the first two.

Ah, yes, what good friends, those ponies Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Look at them, opening up to each other, like friends do. Pinkie Pie about her secret cupcake recipes, and Rainbow Dash about her entrails… isn’t their friendship just marvelous?


“Looks like I got my ‘I’ on you, Dash,” Pinkie giggled.

Pfft.

If you’re gonna make a joke like this, Wildbow, at least make it fit the font it’s gonna be printed in on the site. 😛

With a moist, gooey sound, the flaps of skin opened.

See this?

This is how you use the word “moist”. It fits right in here.

The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s breathing to intensify. Pinkie carefully sliced open Dash’s abdominal sac and grabbed her large intestines. As she separated the organ from the rest of the digestive tract and pulled it out of the new cavity, Pinkie grew jovial.

Oh jeez, she wasn’t already jovial?

Laughing as she gutted her friend, Pinkie began to make jokes. Dash, growing weaker from this new source of blood loss, tried desperately to shut out the macabre comedy act.

I guess they’re not much better than the ‘I’ one?

Not sure if the jokes being bad would be a good or bad thing here.


“Look at me, I’m Rarity!” Pinkie laughed, slinging the intestinal tube around her neck and spraying blood in all directions. “Isn’t my new scarf soooo pretty?”

Heh.

I don’t know who Rarity is but I can appreciate a good intestine-scarf.

Reaching back inside, she sliced the smaller intestine off from the bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement, Pinkie filed the slimy organ through her teeth and dragged it back and forth. “Dentists say you gotta floss every day, Dash.”

Oh my cod.

Dash was barely aware of what was going on anymore. The shock was causing her to fade. Disappointed, Pinkie dived back into the blue pony’s guts, ramping up her routine.

“Aw, don’t go yet Dash.” Pinkie started pulling out the rest of Dash’s organs, pausing with each removal. “I know I can be a real pancreas, but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them.”

I like puns, but yeah, these aren’t that great 😛

“getting bladder” is kind of creative, at least.

Also, it’s seriously a wonder Dash is still alive. I guess maybe ponies are tougher than humans.


Pinkie placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for bit longer. “Ooo, bagpipes.” she said, placing the end of Dash’s esophagus in her mouth and the stomach in her armpit. She squeezed, and a spurt of acid hit her tongue. “Eww! Oh hey look, there’s your cupcake, Dash!”

Pfft.

Sure would’ve been convenient if Pinkie had accidentally swallowed the rest of the cupcake and there’d been enough drugs left in it to knock her out.

Then again, that probaby wouldn’t have helped Rainbow Dash any real amount, but at least she wouldn’t have to watch Pinkie pretend her entrails were musical instruments for the last moments of her life.

Dash didn’t hear her tormentor. She had slipped from conciseness minutes ago.

Oh.

Also I assume Wildbow meant consciousness, though Dash slipping from conciseness sounds like a fun time. She’s on the brink of death and all of a sudden she’s making these really long and convoluted statements…

Pinkie, not yet satisfied, hit Dash with another adrenaline shot. Dash woke up for the last time, her heart pounding. Warm blood flowed out from the wound in her chest in great spurts. It wouldn’t be long now.

Oh jeez, she’s really determined to have Dash’s attention till the end.


Pinkie brought Dash around onto her back again and straddled the blue pony’s chest, scalpel at the ready.

“Ya know, Rainbow Dash, I’m disappointed. I thought you would have lasted longer. I really wanted to spend more time with you before we got here. But I guess it’s my fault; I should have taken it a little slower. Oh well. It was really was nice knowing you, Dash!”

Good times till the very end. Don’t you think so?

The blade sunk into the blue throat and worked its way up to Dash’s chin. Coming back down, Pinkie’s scalpel then circled Dash’s neck. The last thing Rainbow Dash felt was her skin being cut away from her skull, and the metal of the blade scraping her teeth.

Then she was gone.

R.I.P.

Rest in Pony.


Pinkie Pie stared into the mirror. She had done a really good job, even keeping the eyelids. She winked, and Dash winked back. Pinkie smiled.

Perspective switch!

Also, jeez, that’s disturbing.

But still, she was sad that her friend was now gone. Dash had only lasted fifty minutes, not nearly as long as Pinkie had wanted.

“Sure wish I could’ve mutilated her body for a while longer before she left.”

She looked back at the cadaver hanging in the center of the room, the last of her friend’s fluids draining into a pan. Yup, no more Rainbow Dash.

How is nobody going to find out about this? Did Dash have no other friends who haven’t been cupcaked? Family?

As she looked, Pinkie cocked her head. She began to take notice of the fact that there really wasn’t much damage to the corpse. “In fact,” the pink pony mused, “I think….” An idea exploded in her head.

Oh cod, what now.

She was good at sewing and she had all the pieces, all she had to do was put them back together. Yeah, she just had to get some stuffing and bingo, she’d have Rainbow Dash forever.

Eesh. Reminds me a lot of what happened to Bakuda.

…would Parian be able to control this Dash puppet?

In fact, thought Pinkie, that’s what she’d do for all her best friends when their numbers came up. She was so excited, she skipped right over to the body with her skinner to get started. The cupcakes could wait; Pinkie Pie had a friend to make.

Welp.

Also I think it’s more “repair” at this point, but I appreciate the pun.


End of Interlude 11d

Well. That was disturbing.

Pinkie Pie is a fantastic villain, a crazed psychopath who turns people into cupcakes while acting like nothing’s wrong and she’s just having a fun time with the victim. That’s horror gold right there, and a character whose return in Worm is going to be interesting.

Not least of all because next time we see her, she presumably won’t be a pink pony. This whole Interlude seems to be set in an alternate world where everyone’s a magical pony, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Couldn’t we just have had this plot with the human counterparts to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash in the main Wormverse? Was this meant to show us the sort of variety there can be between the multiverse’s worlds?

I feel like ultimately, the chapter suffers from that decision, mainly because we have no true guarantee that the human Pinkie Pie won’t be significantly different from the pony Pinkie Pie in ways other than just species. On top of that, what little details we got about the pony world seem very out of place for the tone of Worm.

This chapter was also way more graphic than anything else we’ve seen in Worm before in terms of gore. Mixed with the tonal dissonance of the pony world, this somehow seems both more childish and more adult than the average Worm chapter.

So overall, this chapter feels weird and rather out of place, much like Interlude 2 [here] did when I read that exacty one year ago.

There’s probably a reason for that. April Fool’s! ;D


[postscript]

April Fool’s Wrap-Up, April Fool’s Wrap-Up,

let’s finish our holiday pranks…

So! What the hell did I just read, the uninitiated wonder?

That, my friend, was Cupcakes, a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfic by Sergeant Sprinkles that is infamous for its brutality and its disturbing take on Pinkie Pie. The thing that hits about Cupcakes’ Pinkie is the fact that she’s almost entirely in character in terms of attitude while performing the grotesque and psychotic actions (that thankfully aren’t in character… right?). I think that was the point of the whole fic, really, to showcase how Pinkie’s enthusiasm can be twisted and creepy.

The fic is very well known in the fandom. It was the first fanfic to get rated on the fansite Equestria Daily as not only “Grimdark”, but “GRIMDARK AS FUCK”, marking the only context I’ve personally seen “grimdark” in other than Homestuck (though I’m aware it’s also used in Warhammer 40k). It has spawned tons of parodies, alternate endings and unofficial sequels, and various fanart, both silly and serious. Speaking of parodies, if you need some nightmare retardant, have this retelling:

(It ties in with an abridged series, so that’s why the voices are weird.)

As with the previous April Fool’s liveblog [still here], this wasn’t blind. Amusingly, it still ended up feeling real to me at points, even though I relistened to the story just a couple days ago. Such is life, I guess!

It also wasn’t live. Right now it’s 2:52 AM on the night to March 30th, and I’ve been making these posts as drafts for, what, eight hours? Ten? I didn’t mean to do the whole thing tonight, sheesh. But yeah, I did it this way because I realized that Cupcakes is almost as long as Interlude 11c (it’s 252 words shy) and I had already been worried about my time on the day proper, since it coincides with D&D night. So if the posts have seemed to come a little quicker than they usually do, that’s because I’ll have just been spacing out the time between clicking the “post” buttons and not doing much else.

So yeah! I hope you enjoyed this “live”blog of “Interlude 11d of Worm”! I’ll leave you on this note:

A few seasons later, we learned that Pinkie Pie canonically does have a secret basement under Sugarcube Corner.

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2 thoughts on “Interlude 11d: Baking

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